hard time

hard time.

pernah tak korg hadap " hard time" ynag mana korg rasa sgt berat sampai tak boleh nak deal lagi?

what I having right now is something like that. everything turns to be difficult at some point my sleep order also change. I hardly sleep today.

straight to the point, I meet this boy not to mention here. but what I can tell is I somehow feel confused about my feeling towards him, and I feel sad because myself become a little bit uncertain all around about what I have been struggling and build before this. he just kind and nice to me, but since I don't talk that much with any boy I easily find that he is a little special in my opinion.

that kind of feeling actually hurting inside. even when you try to control your feeling from going out of the real state of the relationship, somehow as a human, emotions can control you out of your control.

for now i dont have any plan for further relationship as i aware that i have so much commitment to give on my life especially. i love myself and my life. i cant easily ruin that by only one person that called man.

I realize that i could do so much things when i dont have him as my friend. even i cant have that particular strength that he could give me, but his power to brake me is even bigger and powerful. i know that i could do better when he is not with me. my mental strength can go so weak anytime especially during my PMS but i have a girlfriend who can hear and keep the distance close when i am in such difficult time.

I also realized that when i want to have him but he is not there for me, my time was spent too much to think about him. i keep on thinking where he is, what is he doing now and why did he reply my texts late. so much time I had been wasting on. i dont even know if he do the same thinking about me during his free time. because what I'm sure about is he just go through me when he is boring.

at first all were so beautifully seen but as long as i keep this feeling hardly but surely I can say he is my silent killer that I have to get rid of it with the most unwanted way that is forgetting and forgiving. forgetting him from my life so he will never be a part of my life and forgiving myself of allowing him to come and letting myself into the trap.