Future Behold

 LOVE AND HOW IT GOES

    I always dream of the time when love will drive me forward despite me and him being madly in love after marriage. The time we allowed and the seed of good deeds grow in each of our actions. The credit points we were given by God will motivate me to do my best in my relationship.

BUT LET'S GIVE THAT THOUGHT A PAUSE FOR AWHILE

    Take a view of the reality we live in now, love and kindness is not a weird thing to fall into number 11 or at least 10 in the top priority. How about the commitment. Taken for granted is a common term everyone can understand and relate to. The phrase we use to show were taken with less priority, seriousness and appreciation by the one we love. In short, an unrequited love. PATHETIC and waste of time. 

THEY SAY "LOVE IS A GAMBLE" 

    But for me, love is something that goes both ways while gamble is one-way hope (no casino hoping you to win). Love should always be seed in every day and grow what buried and potentials that shy to show off themselves. Saying it a gamble, kinda show we do not take it seriously for the future together. A selfish mode of partnering can lead to marrying singles. 

RECIPROCAL LOVE- imagine that?

    Commitment issue is something that always mingles around in one wh once had broken-hearted. Something that sits in between to invest time and hope while afraid we might fail in the plan we made together. The issue where we might fall into the deep hole of the wrong direction in prioritizing the idea of what is urgent and important in our life. A hell of it might go South when we hope for the North. 

PLAN BUT NOT WORKING OUT

    Not everything in life will bring the best out of it, but something from the best we have given out will absolutely give the expected and unexpected. Life has always been in the hands of god. We cannot control life but we can always plan and give effort for it. Imagine, manifest and pray for the ideal life we want. Play along with the shortcomings and the opportunities, things will go North. That is the same idea we need to give in love and relationship. Human is a complex creature. God said, "I created you differently for you to know each other". That's the plan. The plan is to know your buddy and play and play your role. Forget what you afraid of even it is hard to do in some way. Life never is easy for anybody, but life can be fun when you know how to play the game.

LOVE will come in their way

    What you afraid of is the sign for you to grow the shit out of it. The misdirect your instinct tells you is the sign for you to take it and challenge yourself to try new things even they scare you. Love is a very beautiful word. So why we afraid to have it? 

If other people can have it why not us?

Old Poem

 Old Poem, Mukhsin

The minute i heard my first love story,

I started looking for you,

Not knowing how blind that was

Lovers don't finally meet someone,

They're in each other all along

We don't always find the one,

We carry inside us

But love is kind,

They give us second chances

I found mine

I hope you found yours to

-Mukhsin

Tentang Perasaan

kita manusia penuh dengan perasaan dan rasa. ada kala kita berasa duka, adakala kita berasa sedih, adakala kita berasa gembira, adakala berasa indah, adakala kita berasa itu dan berasa ini.

adakalanya juga perasaan kita bercampur baur tanpa kita sendiri mampu untuk meluahkan perasaan itu. ianya terlalu padat dan sukar untuk diungkapan. 

perasaan adalah satu anugerah
ianya hanya ada pada manusia pada kata fitrah.
kita manusia perlu tahu apakah itu sebenarnya perasaan yang sebenar supaya kita tahu menghargai rasanya merasai sesuatu itu.

sebagai contoh dengan perasaan marah, kita mampu merasai ia melalui rasanya geram, melalui rasa kurangnya sabar dan kita meluahkan itu dengan perbuatan yang menunjukkan perasaan itu seperti meninggikan suara dan bahasa badan kita.

tanpa kita sedar perasaan boleh mengawal menusia. perasaan boleh mengambil alih perwatakan kita dan pada suatu ketika tanpa kita sedar, perasaan itu boleh menjadi karakter kita. seperti contoh di atas, perwatakan kita ialah baran. 

melalui perwatakan negatif tersebut, kita akan mengubah persekitaran kita, kita akan mengubah cara interaksi kita terhadap orang sekeliling, kita akan mengubah perspektif orang terhadap kita.

kita juga sebenarnya merisikokan diri kita terhadap sesuatu. jika buruk perwatakan itu, maka risikonya adalah negatif. kita baiknya perwatakan itu, maka baiklah ganjarannya.

oleh itu, adanya perasaan sabar untuk kita lawan perasaan marah. apabila kita merasa betapa indahnya perasaan sabar itu, kita akan kurang untuk mengadakan dan merasakan perasaan marah itu. berharganya perasaan sabar itu, tidak ternilai untuk kita sanggup korbankan demi perasaan marah yang kita tahu marah itu hanya untuk beberapa minit dan selebihnya ego. marah itu normal namun kita akan mampu mengawalnya dengan perasaan sabar.

begitulah kita mestabilkan perasaan. sesuatu yang buruk itu akan terlawan dengan yang baik. yang buruk akan selalu terlawan.

perasaan itu adalah tunjang kepada sikap. dan bagaimana kita salurkan perasaan itu, ia akan menentukan apa yang akan terjadi pada diri kita. kita yang memilih untuk itu.

namun tidak lupa juga perwatakan juga boleh menjadi sesuatu yang sudah terlahir dari dalam diri kita. ia boleh menjadi suatu anugerah dan boleh juga menjadi suatu ujian. anugerah terus dijaga supaya ia menjadi berlian dalam diri, ujian kita perlu bentukkan kembali supaya kita menjadi yang terbaik.

jika dilihat tentang perasaan cinta, ia adalah suatu anugerah terindah kepada manusia. ianya nikmat yang tidak terkira samada diperolehi kita atau diberi kepada orang lain. orang yang hidup dalam keadaan penuh perasaan tidak akan sedar akan perkara buruk yang terjadi kepada mereka atau jika mereka sedar sekalipun, itu bukan fokus utama mereka. perasaan cinta itu begitu indah sehingga mereka sukar merasakan perasaan negatif, hanya yang indah mereka salurkan.

kita boleh lihat bagaimana orang yang hangat bercinta dan masih di awal peringkat percintaan. semuanya nampak indah pada pandangan mata mereka, mereka terlalu asyik terhadap perasaan itu sehinggakan jika terbuta mata kerana cinta, mereka sanggup melakukan apa sahaja.

namun, bila tiba saat cinta diuji, ada yang tidak mampu bertahan, bukan sahaja tidak mapu bertahan, namun  tidak mampu berjuang pun untuk perasaan yang dikatakan 'cinta' itu. cinta itu suci tidak akan kita mampu untuk mengotorkan ia.

disebabkan itu, kita manusia perlukan panduan untuk salurkan peasaan ini. ia bukan sahaja untuk mengawal, namun untuk melihatkan dan menampakkan kita kepada realiti. kehidupan kita adalah realiti, dan kita perlu bersandarkan kepada realiti. perasaan mencrakkan kehidupan kita. kita melukiskan kehidupan kita melalui perasaan. kita memilih jalan hidup kita. ya, sudah tertulis skrip kehidupan kita oleh tuhan, namun tidak pernah kita lupa bahawasanya kehidupan ini juga tertentu melalui pilihan. kenapa tuhan masih memberi peluang untuk kita memilih sedangkan, tuhan mampu untuk menentukan segalannya?

kerana sebagai manusia yang beriman dan beramal, kita percaya terciptanya syurga dan neraka diakhir sana, sebagai belasan kepada kita atas apa yang kita pilihan.

"our lives are based on what we choose" "we choose our lives"

stay positive. stay you. stay happy.

dearest 4

Hello, I am back here,

stuck with love song right now.
my day was so so tiring. law school is really unbearable for me. I get so tired even when thinking about it. life they said. I just live my life. nothing to blame on. I am ok. but just OK.
I hope you can send me some prayer so I can get stronger day by day, years by years. true what the old people said, life is not easy girl, it was so lucky being a child. but that is was. not now.

sayang,
you know what. something really burdening myself now. at this right moment, I have messed up my mind with a man. a man that I used to know as a good man changed drastically to someone who I was not expected him to be. he used to be so cheesy with me. we texted after 12. send morning wishes. ask about how was our day and we nearly went for a run competition together. that was so near man. looking back at how our relationship went, I felt he was so special. it kind of feeling where you cannot resist even when your mind said: "no and please just don't". but I really can't get over him as I always wished that I could text him every single day and make him mine. but obviously, i was not meant to be with him. god sent me his sign earlier.
too glad my feeling doesn't get far, my parents' instinct were so strong they discovered about our friendship & walla! we are not in contact anymore. he is just part of my history. my strong steel heart getting tougher slowly. for sure soon i will meet him anywhere here but the situation won't be the same anymore, no matter what.

I get stronger with the history. I learn from it. I call myself as 'the one who keeps learning and trying not to forget the good behind every story'.

sayang, I love you & always
it just matter of time and spaces

dearest 3

its been a while sayang. sitting in a lapse of waiting before sending you a letter again is such a pain that i cant bear.

hello sayang,
tonight i just want to tell you a very simple poem that literally what i feels right now.

my dear feelings

dark night stary night
eyes tear
forced laugh
strong steel heart

lonely moon
not so bright
she only has
invisible sun
to help her with the light

the universe starts to speak
telling me how hard the real
very life is
how much the burden is
not really known
it is just subjective
-well said

the spaces start to speak
never leave the chances
take it bring it ride it
life is too short dear
make it create it
from the worst
to the worth

the heart speaks
I really need the invisible man
by my side
but not so long dear trust me
he just there not yet arrived
believe me
time is not cruel
time is gold
that is why the reason
behind every time of waiting
is hardship
-until the ease come

-nha,11032018
subject to copyright

dearest 2

Assalamualaikum my dear,

it has been a great and productive weekend for me. I have done a lot of work this Saturday and Sunday. how about you? does everything go well or otherwise? I pray that Allah will fill your works with ease. 

sayang ( or anything that you want to replace ), I felt a little bit down these days. the workload is everything to settle. I feel like I need someone special to hear and to talk to. I always dream of that as it is the dream of everyone. all of us feel the same when having problems especially the one that is the hardest to handle. we could feel like if we are having someone to share the happy stories, sad stories, our anxiety and exciting events in our life, we could lift ourselves to the level where we can always love ourselves & appreciate every moment. yes, indeed to have someone going and doing everything together is such a blessing. 

yes, there is a lot to say back when I shout out about having the partner to do everything together. I can have my friends to accompany me doing daily activities together, but dear friends and life partner is totally a different thing. nevertheless, the commitment also different. I hope I can handle this. I believe that in just a short time of year, I will meet you at the right place at the right time. at that just time, we will see each other as a very precious human creature without a doubt but appreciation and blessing. I believe that waiting is the hardest thing to do and to commit but, once we reach at the end, we will see how much the time worth to wait at how far we have gone. 

my dearest, wait for me. I will be your priceless diamond. no one will love you like me. no before us no before me & you. the one who always miss you. the one who needs you since she met her first crush.

your worth of waiting,

future wife of no name ( yet ) 

dearest

dearest,

how are you doing right now? I hope everything turns great. in every action that you are struggling will make yourself worth and useful for the future.

I hope that you will always be reminded that one priority is self-love. empty glass never pours out. which made sense that you will never able to love other people if you aren't able to love yourself first. there will never be love from the empty heart. always remember that.

my dearest,
I hope you could plan your future well. spend your time with beneficial stuff. put what important first & never forget your responsibility for self-betterment. there is never a failure when you keep on trying and striving to become a better one. always hold on that. grasp that tightly. if you felt down on how the world turns out upon you, turn back to our creator. he is the one. he is the greatest. he is the one who could turn everything back to normal. trust me

trust me again. by improving yourself, you will see more, able to see wider and border, wonder in different perspectives & won't able to disappear in this worldly world. everything will be right and good if you hold on to the right fundamental principle that god and prophet already taught to all of us. balance it with the world knowledge & never take it for granted.  every human is beneficial when they have both & able to give back to society & greater when they practice it along.

my sayang, here I am will always pray for yourself, me & us. your glimpse figure ( in my imagination ) makes me believe in your existence. your existence soul & continuous heartbeat keeps me moving on in this hard & hustle bustle life. perhaps your praying is the reason why I am still breathing right now.

my dearest,
I just want to let you know that yours truly is over here. I will always be here, standing & waiting because I don't want to love other than you. after everything that I break & not able to keep many promises to myself, I really hope that this one will never fade & realizable.

I promise that I will write more to you next time. till we meet. I love you to the fullest. no before you, no before us. love you always

n.h.a -27/02/2018